things are not wanted perfect.

I don't seem to like perfect things.

When I'm depressed, I like it. But it pains me because it hurts. Yet, I like it.

I give myself all the what- ifs scenarios in every situations. That's why I shut up a lot. This makes me feel mentally slow and insecure though. But I seem to like it anyways.

I have no idea. And no, I'm not emo.

Let me tell ask readers something. What is an emo to you? One who wears all black, cuts, likes it? That seems like a very poor definition. Emo- one who has very sensitive and extreme EMOtions. Why did I bring that up?

1. To make things clear about myself. I'm usually not strongly emotional. And I'm a bit freaked out myself that often, I can be stoic or nonchalant.

2. To hopefully- clear things up about society. Just really think about it.

Why would you pick on a kid who's gay? 'Cause that kid is "weird". Why is he weird? Weird- something that does not fit into society any longer to the point the mojority of that society does not start to like it. But why won't you like it? Most likely, it's proably you had nothing to do, so that's how you started feeling- picking on others. But loving someone, no matter who it is, is a reason for life. Living life is part of society.

That was a bit off- topic. It just came to me as I was thinking. That's basically what I mean by "a string of thoughts". One thing leads to another.

I'm feeling much better now. Which is probably why I'm not able to write much. But I gave out another thought of how I view the world. I gave a message:

Look at yourself. What did you do? Was it right for this society? Or was it was some guy would call some adjective? Just make sure there was a purpose and that it was a good one. That's all I'm going to say for now. I'll definitely to add more. I'll see what I can do.

Hm. 4:07

I was not alive

I realize that, again, I didn't post in a while. I felt something I never felt in all my life.

I was consumed in thoughts and drowned lately. I was so emotionless... almost not alive this past week. But strangely at the same time, for the first time, in a long time, I cried:

Tears, one by one, slid down my cheeks as I sat on m desk looking at the street light through the window like I usually do at 4 or 5:30 in the morning. I don't know why I cried though. I guess there was nothing else to do.
I was confused, and I thought about too much. Way too much. I don't have much else to do but think things almost unecessary- long strings of thoughts that never end. Sometimes, you'd be better off trying not to muse too much; if you get an answer you don't want, you'll regret it. That's what I did. I became slumped, broken, and for once- again-in a long time, afraid... of pain. I was never really scared of it. I know I'm strong, but there's only one person who can force me to sit down and cry from torture. These past few days, she did that (no, not my mother) That person is my girlfriend (yes, my girlfriend)- the person I care most about in this world. It's a long story, and I'd rather keep the bigger portion to myself. Sorry.
It wasn't intentional though I don't think. It's probably just me. For as long as I can remember (...fourth grade?) I kept to myself and observed everyone's moves, actions. Feeling true love for the first time made me forget abuot that for a while. But some weak yet monstrous side of me I wasn't aare of that grew for the past 5 years supplanted. It's hard to explain. It's hard for me to really find an answer.

I don't want to either. I was not alive since fourth grade. Where was I?

Hm: 5:34

___________________

P.S- Posting pictures inspired by my girlfriend. I hope she doesn't mind this. She's probably going to see this in the future.

Crappy Post?

Crappy Posts- 1. I don't really have anything to say, but I'm here because I just feel bad that I didn't for 3+ days

The past couple days, I felt rather.. emotionless. There was nothing very much to feel to.
Sometimes, I just feel useless, but I know there are people I care about who care about me.
What's the meaning of life? What are we doing here? Those questions hung around in my head for a few months until I thought I hit an answer. But sometimes... that reason fades a bit. I know it probably didn't, and I definitely don't want it to. Ever.
I'm probably gonna go on about life and/or death or something. Then this won't be so crappy after all...
...nah.
Maybe next time. I dunno. I'm only thirteen. Am I really supposed to know? Hm.

-Crappy Post 1.1 : 10:01

P.S- My speech sounded rather dead today. I didn't really bother to read over it.

'Cuz when life gives you free lemons...

"When life gives you free lemons, take them. 'Cause hey, it's free lemons."
Ehh... I really don't know.

---

Well, I just got back home. I'm not really supposed to be until in... five to ten minutes. I was at the town library just now with some friends, and I should be walking home right now. As I was about to leave, one of my friend's grandmother was also there to pick her up; I saw her before.

---

A "good afternoon" and I was about to leave.

But no. I was offered a ride for the second time from the same very nice person.

"Oh no it's fine. Just a fifteen minute walk."

---

But I guess it's just that because of the way the world works, she insisted. "Oh, no. It's on the way."

---

Should we really take advantage of others generous offers?

Or should we take a sack of money when it's offered to us out of generosity? It would be tempting to do that wouldn't it?

Or should we say, "If you insist" and atually be glad when the offered says, "Oh, no. That's too much to ask for." Would you do that?

---

I want to think about this stuff, but part of me doesn't. I never really intend to live my days with set scripts: do this when this happens; Say that when that happens...

Sometimes, I just feel a bit awkward when I just take whatever's put into my hands, and just look at it. what can I say? Just a thank you. Maybe with some extra words with it. "I really appreciated." "It was very kind of you." But it never satisfies me just saying that. I really don't think it satisfies any favor. I'm thinking too much again.
I'm home now, and I'm supposed to anyways. Hm.

...and a few words.

Chucklez- 1. my nickname that was created mid- 6th grade compliments to some of my friends 2. originally CHUCKLES until I changed the S into a Z because of my last name 3. the name of things like my blog here 4. One of my friends just calls me CHUCKY

Well, I made a blog tonight; May 11th my Blogspot is born with no ideas in it like a baby on its first days in the world.
Because of the weird fact that I usually get the writer's block as I attempt to write on paper, I want to see if I can do it online where I can use a computer; I like the quiet, subtle sound of my hp laptop running. and I also like looking at fonts, instead of the handwriting I see everyday. I'm usually like that: enjoying some rather picky things as they help me think.

Don't take me as some kid with my childish nick. No no no. Yes, I do think a lot. Not about how awesome it would be to be an astraunaut (did I spell that right? I can never...) or the president. I think about life and all this around us. And I'm way too all over the place; it's a huge topic. But just because I can probably tell you what the meaning of life is (Try to figure that one out. And really think about it. Don't just say to see happiness. I see somma that everyday. Life isn't great if there isn't new in it) that doesn't mean I'm very school smart. I suck at school. And I plan to improve that. Other than that, I don't think I should really change myself.

So yes, I figure that in a way, this will be considered be my journal. I want another alternative to turn to when I feel like I need one. And sometimes, I guess it could be called a diary. But not those kinds in which I go on about my day and how "ugh... so crappy". Okay maybe.

Maybe...

A few times...

It depends...

Lots of sh*t depends. In fact, almost everything in the fricking world... depends. On this and that.

I won't be elaborating on that right now.

Here is where I...

think

type

think and type

about life

maybe even rant abuot things sometimes?

I'd like to give a message around here... lots. And I don't know where to begin. Just so somebody's actually here to read. Hm.

---

I hate this. I was sitting on my bed, nice and comfy, writing all that up there. Well she just barges into my room and tells me to go work on my Word Paper. Well now she's making me work at my desk. That means me sitting in this chair I haven't sat in all day, so it's freezing my butt. But meh, I like the cold. I would rant about that right now. But nah. I would, but I don't feel like it.

It depends.

Hm. My entry would probably have been over some six lines ago. Well that doesn't matter. I usually go on and on, so other blog entries wouldn't be much different- most likely longer.

---

I'm a guy who sits and thinks. And sometimes I talk about it. That's me.

WELCOME: 9:07

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p.s- This totally sucks 'cuz Blogspot just gets rid of some spacing I used. It looked really nice... psh. this sucks.

p.p.s- What makes things suck more is that my butt is still a bit cold.