I realize that, again, I didn't post in a while. I felt something I never felt in all my life.
I was consumed in thoughts and drowned lately. I was so emotionless... almost not alive this past week. But strangely at the same time, for the first time, in a long time, I cried:
Tears, one by one, slid down my cheeks as I sat on m desk looking at the street light through the window like I usually do at 4 or 5:30 in the morning. I don't know why I cried though. I guess there was nothing else to do.
I was confused, and I thought about too much. Way too much. I don't have much else to do but think things almost unecessary- long strings of thoughts that never end. Sometimes, you'd be better off trying not to muse too much; if you get an answer you don't want, you'll regret it. That's what I did. I became slumped, broken, and for once- again-in a long time, afraid... of pain. I was never really scared of it. I know I'm strong, but there's only one person who can force me to sit down and cry from torture. These past few days, she did that (no, not my mother) That person is my girlfriend (yes, my girlfriend)- the person I care most about in this world. It's a long story, and I'd rather keep the bigger portion to myself. Sorry.
It wasn't intentional though I don't think. It's probably just me. For as long as I can remember (...fourth grade?) I kept to myself and observed everyone's moves, actions. Feeling true love for the first time made me forget abuot that for a while. But some weak yet monstrous side of me I wasn't aare of that grew for the past 5 years supplanted. It's hard to explain. It's hard for me to really find an answer.
I don't want to either. I was not alive since fourth grade. Where was I?
I was consumed in thoughts and drowned lately. I was so emotionless... almost not alive this past week. But strangely at the same time, for the first time, in a long time, I cried:
Tears, one by one, slid down my cheeks as I sat on m desk looking at the street light through the window like I usually do at 4 or 5:30 in the morning. I don't know why I cried though. I guess there was nothing else to do.
I was confused, and I thought about too much. Way too much. I don't have much else to do but think things almost unecessary- long strings of thoughts that never end. Sometimes, you'd be better off trying not to muse too much; if you get an answer you don't want, you'll regret it. That's what I did. I became slumped, broken, and for once- again-in a long time, afraid... of pain. I was never really scared of it. I know I'm strong, but there's only one person who can force me to sit down and cry from torture. These past few days, she did that (no, not my mother) That person is my girlfriend (yes, my girlfriend)- the person I care most about in this world. It's a long story, and I'd rather keep the bigger portion to myself. Sorry.
It wasn't intentional though I don't think. It's probably just me. For as long as I can remember (...fourth grade?) I kept to myself and observed everyone's moves, actions. Feeling true love for the first time made me forget abuot that for a while. But some weak yet monstrous side of me I wasn't aare of that grew for the past 5 years supplanted. It's hard to explain. It's hard for me to really find an answer.
I don't want to either. I was not alive since fourth grade. Where was I?
Hm: 5:34
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P.S- Posting pictures inspired by my girlfriend. I hope she doesn't mind this. She's probably going to see this in the future.
Oh geez, Charles... I had sensed something was wrong, but I wasn't sure what was really happening... I hope you are feeling better now. =(
ReplyDeleteI also see some of myself in this, and it can be personally shocking when you see a dark side of yourself in another person...
(And the picture is lovely. I didn't even realize it was taken by you at first)