Dawn at a new start

I believe I'm a thinker. I think, and I never get tired of it. I write. If I'm not listening to you, I'm in my own head (or almost ALWAYS in there for that matter). And not seven people in this world comprehend me when listening to me.

I believe I'm an artist. I paint. Traces of my thinkings lie in my works. The shading... The way marks are made on paper...

I guesss that's good right? I shall continue...

I listen to your tone. I look at your foot and how it's positioned. I'm a thinker, and part of hides my stares at you and tries to get into your head. Then I get scenarios in mine... what will I do? I have to fight things off such as paranoia and someimtes envy. It's usually quite difficult to do THAT part.

I try hard to paint gracefully. And then make a graceful result. Let's see if that effort applies...

Does anyone get the idea yet?

I almost NEVER use terms like this one because of it's profanity and it's lack of just, purpose, and reality of a noun: sh*ta**. I am a sh*ta** when it comes to my academic work ethic. I'm going to admit it until I'm satisfied with my results as a freshman. Two out of five of my classes are at the lowest level of three levels. I loathe the actual term. And then I feel arrogant because I hate it- like a snob, except one who doesn't achieve academically. So yes, call me a loser.

Sometimes, I don't think I deserve the only thing I truly appreciate from life: my friends and their families. And I get this confusing feeling when I'm told otherwise.

Don't think I'm hating myself. I'm not exactly. <-- That message there are especially to the people who went here on my blog when they were supposed to not to - and they get the wrong idea. You know who you are; I know you'll come back to see this.

But I'm constantly in a debate with myself. So I need to confess, redeem , and push myself more. Most the time, that doesn't really help. Maybe I should just push myself even more. No praying to a spirit. No punishing myself. Because I better work harder and avoid that kind of stuff.

Dawn for a new start. Hm.